Sport jokes

Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson

after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!

 

What is Dracula's favorite pudding? Leeches and scream.

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There was a little old lady from a small town in America who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or her suite. "Everything's big in Texas ma'am," said the waitress. The coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever seen. "I told you, ma'am, that everything is big in Texas," said the waitress. On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room and fell into an enormous swimming pool. "Please!" she screamed. "Don't flush it!"

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What type of wind is named after a young deer? Foehn

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yo mama so fat, when she dive into the ocean, there is a tsunami warning out!!

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Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

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You mama's so skinny ....she can hang glide with a dorito!

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There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."

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Why were the vets and pounds mad? It was raining cats and dogs

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Hello, police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away! Sorry, this isn't the police station. It's the Delicatessen. Oh. Well, in that case, please send over a pastrami sandwich!

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Early Texas governors were not very well educated. There was once a chief executive who thought "grammar" was his father's mother. On one occasion this governor went hunting and forgot his gun. He phoned his secretary and asked him to send the gun. "The phone connection's bad," said the secretary. "I couldn't catch that last word. Spell it." The governor replied, " 'G' like in Jesus; 'U' like in onion; 'N' like in pneumonia GUN, you damn fool!"

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What dog can tell the time ? A watch dog !

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your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.

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Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! No sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.

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Spell extra wise in two letters. YY (2 y's)

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yo mama so stupid..she sits on the t.v and watches the couch

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yo mama so nasty... cows with mad cow disease run from her..

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Customer: I'd like a watch that tells time. Clerk: Don't you have a watch that tells time? Customer: No, you have to look at it.

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I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him?

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Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin? Because his life is at stake.

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A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair - try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."With that he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker."

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