Sport jokes

Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson

after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!

 

Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her"

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Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming? He was a card shark!

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Patient: Tell me honestly, how am I? Dentist: Your teeth are fine, but your gums will have to come out.

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Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? They looked both ways before they crossed.

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Q: How many Librans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Er, two. Or maybe one. No --- on second thoughts, make that two. Is that okay with you?

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Two weathermen each broke an arm and a leg in an accident, and called from the hospital about the four casts.

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Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mind

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How do rain drops marry? -They coalesce

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Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat? So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.

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What's it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight? Necking.

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Q: How many Librans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Why change the bulb? Isn't it more romantic in the dark?

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Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

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Diner: May I please have a glass of water? Waiter: Why, are you thirsty? Diner: No, I want to see if my neck leaks.

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What's the chilliest ground in the premiership ? Cold Trafford !

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Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!" Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!"

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What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old? A two-year-old vampire.

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The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

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Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup! What do you expect for $1 - a live one?

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What do you get if you cross a telephone and a marriage bureau ? A wedding ring !

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My wife asked me to take her to the zoo the other day. I said, "If you want people to see you they can come here and do it!"

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