Sport jokes

Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson

after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!

 

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. "Now what should I do?" His mother has an idea. "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. " I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." " What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. " We hadn't started eating yet."

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Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

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I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in?

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Brother: What kind of sharks never eat women ? Sister: Man-eating sharks.

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How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap.

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An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick. Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself. Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the antique shop owner if he had any more bargains. "I've got the very thing for you," said the Irishman. "It's the genuine skull of Saint Patrick". "You swindler!" shouted the American. "You sold me that ten years ago," and, producing the skull, added, "Look, they're not even the same size!" "You have it all wrong," said the Irishman. "This is the skull of Saint Patrick when he was a lad."

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What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded ? Bring on their subs !

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What happens when sharks take their clothes off ? They go sharkers !

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What is a whale's favorite TV show? Flukes of Hazard!

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Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!

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Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, "Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?" "Yes," replied Dracula, "have lots of giraffes."

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What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic? Wait for him to give it back.

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Why did the tadpole feel lonely ? Because he was newt to the area !

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What is the best advice to give a worm? Sleep late.

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A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!" The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?" "It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!" "Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?" "No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it." "Well, what if you hit it into the woods?" "Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed." "Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?" "No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!" The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?" "I found it."

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If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers!

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A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient. "Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?" asked the psychiatrist. "As a matter of fact, I do," said the patient. "And when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist. "Oh," said the patient, "when I answer the telephone."

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Q: What's the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

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A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin. "Do you always carry such heavy luggage?" she sighed. "No more," the man said. "Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!"

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Waiter, I can't seem to find any oysters in this oyster soup. Would you expect to find angels in angel cake?

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