Aardvark jokes

What do you call an aardvark that writes
poems?
A bardvark!

 

What would you call two banana skins ? A pair of slippers.

Read more!

Q: What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? A: Ok you 2, dont start anything

Read more!

Noisy Nights by Constance Norah

Read more!

I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, -Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?- -Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long.-

Read more!

What is taller when it sits down than when it stands up? A dog.

Read more!

Why do elephants live in the jungle? Because it's out of the high rent district.

Read more!

Q:What's the fastest way to end an Iraqi bingo game? A:Call B52

Read more!

What's the difference between an angler and a dunce? One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.

Read more!

What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ? No one moved. They couldn't stir without her.

Read more!

Commissioned by a zoo to bring them some baboons, the big game hunter devised a novel scheme to trap them - his only requirements being a sack, a gun, and a particularly vicious and bad tempered dog. Once in the jungle he explained to his assistant, "I'll climb this tree and shake the branches; if there are any baboons up there, they will fall to the ground - and the dogs will bite their tail and immobilise them so that you can pick them up quite safely and put them in the sack." "But what do I need the gun for?" asked the assisant. "If I should fall out of the tree by mistake, shoot the dog."

Read more!

Dick and Bob were on a hunting trip. At nightfall, Dick complained, 'We've been hunting all day. We've shot at five deer - and not hit one!' 'OK. Let's miss two more and then head back to camp,' said Bob.

Read more!

This is the difference between a lousy Golfer and a lousy Parachutist. The lousy Golfer goes splash then damn. The lousy Parachutist goes damn then splash.

Read more!

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"

Read more!

Teacher : What are you doing, crawling into school ten minutes late ? Pupil : Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late !

Read more!

Brother: What kind of sharks never eat women ? Sister: Man-eating sharks.

Read more!

How did the Chihuahua disappear on the road? It was using a hide-'n-go-seekle!

Read more!

Q: What happened to the Indian who drank too much tea? A: He drowned in his teapea.

Read more!

A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made. The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts. The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. "That should be obvious," he responded, "the first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck."

Read more!

"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. "Did he get anything." his mates asked. "yeah, a broken jaw and six teeth knocked out. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

Read more!

Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind?"

Read more!