Aardvark jokes

What do you call an aardvark that writes
poems?
A bardvark!

 

What did the parrot say when he was using the Internet? P.Cs of eight, P.Cs of eight.

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A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . .' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. 'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm lost!'

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Sam left work after a tiring day. 'Take the bus home,' suggested a friend. 'My mother would only make me take it back,' Sam said.

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What happened to the cannibal lion? He had to swallow his pride!

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What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas ? Santa Claws !

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A police officer saw a man dressed as a cowboy in the street, complete with huge stetson hat, spurs, and six shooters. "Excuse me, sir," said the police officer, "who are you?" "My name's Tex, officer," said the cowboy. " eh?" said the police officer, "Are you from Texas?" "Nope, Louisiana." "Louisiana? So why are you called Tex?" "Don't want to be called Louise, do I .

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What did the little ghost eat for lunch? A booloney sandwich!

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Who is the most powerful ghoul? Judge Dread.

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What do you get if you cross a plum with a man eating monster? A purple people eater.

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What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas ? Ince pies !

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What did the Abominable Snowman do after he had had his teeth pulled out? He ate the dentist.

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Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. Capricorns can't afford new lightbulbs --- unless they're a legitimate business expense.

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What do you call an ant who lives with your great uncle ? Your great-ant !

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Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager.

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Is it proper to eat a hamburger with your fingers? No, you should eat your fingers separately!

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An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building. "Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them." "Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break. When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?" "Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"

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Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton? A: Because he filed as head of the household.

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What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna

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When a small Montana village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one. Randall, an old rancher, stood up. "Ah think we should keep the old truck," he said. "We can use it for all them false alarms!"

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Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They say down on a bench to rest. They overheard voices coming from a secluded spot. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realized that a young man was about to propose. Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment, she nudged her husband and whispered, "Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them." Murphy said, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me."

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