Men jokes

Q.
How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By
sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

 

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."

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When Mike got arrested, they told him, "Anything you say will be held against you." Mike said, "Claudia Schiffer's breasts."

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An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table. "This is the breast of the duck; this the leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc." Then came the dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for the explanation. Silence. "Well?" he finally asked, "What's this?" The waiter replied, "It's a friend of duck."

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What is Dracula's favorite pudding? Leeches and scream.

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There was a little old lady from a small town in America who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or her suite. "Everything's big in Texas ma'am," said the waitress. The coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever seen. "I told you, ma'am, that everything is big in Texas," said the waitress. On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room and fell into an enormous swimming pool. "Please!" she screamed. "Don't flush it!"

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What type of wind is named after a young deer? Foehn

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yo mama so fat, when she dive into the ocean, there is a tsunami warning out!!

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What's a rabbits' favourite car? Any make, just as long it's a hutchback!

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Why was the snowman's dog called Frost? Because Frost bites.

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What should you call a polite, friendly, kind, good looking monster? A failure.

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A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."

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Laugh and the class laughs with you. But you get detention alone !

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Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

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You mama's so skinny ....she can hang glide with a dorito!

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What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to the other? I didn't know we lived on the same block.

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Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said 'N I L'. White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity ,The Blessed Emptiness, and The Big Zero in the Sky. Morris turned to a white-robed observer beside him and wispered, .... ...... "Is Nothing Sacred?"

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There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."

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- How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile? - Two. One to launch it, one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

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Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done? At the ugly parlour.

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Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves ? Mickey Moose !

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