Internet jokes

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Belinda ! Belinda who ? Belinda church steeple !

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How many LA cops does it take to change light bulb? Six. One to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters.

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What's the difference between a vampire with toothache and a rainstorm? One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.

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What do you call a telephone call from one vicar to another ? A parson to parson call !

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How do rain drops marry? -They coalesce

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Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Blair ! Blair who ? Blair play !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Castor ! Castor who ? Castorblanca !

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The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."

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Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. "Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves." The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!" So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

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What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside ? A mouse sandwich !

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What's the best thing about turning 65? No more calls from insurance salesmen.

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Father: How do you like going to school? Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

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Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions? Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!

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Where do footballers dance? At a football!

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What do you call a vampire in a raincoat ? Mack-u-la !

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A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?" No Morris!" she responded. Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?" "Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!" Now Morris laughs. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month?" "Oy Morris I forgot that one too!" Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris, "So what are you smiling and laughing about? Morris responds, "They'll find us."

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A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

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What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak ? Mouse code !

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Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please ? Pupil: There it is Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia ? Pupil: Fred did !

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