Food jokes

What is small, furry and smells like bacon?
A
hamster.

 

Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons ? Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train !

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Q: How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Change it to what?

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Aladdin ! Aladdin who ? Aladdin the street wants a word with you !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Arnie ! Arnie who ! Arnie having fun ?

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Butcher ! Butcher who ? Butcher your arms around me !

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A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge. He ran back to the White House and demanded the position. "Sorry," said the President, "but the lawyer who saw that judge fall in beat you here by a good five minutes."

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How do hens encourage their football teams? They egg them on!

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A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. "Now what should I do?" His mother has an idea. "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. " I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." " What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. " We hadn't started eating yet."

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Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

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What is the Ape monster's name? Godzilla Gorilla!

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bach ! Bach who ? Bach to work!

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The food in our school canteen is perfect. If your a bug!

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Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs!

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I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in?

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What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ? No one moved. They couldn't stir without her.

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Commissioned by a zoo to bring them some baboons, the big game hunter devised a novel scheme to trap them - his only requirements being a sack, a gun, and a particularly vicious and bad tempered dog. Once in the jungle he explained to his assistant, "I'll climb this tree and shake the branches; if there are any baboons up there, they will fall to the ground - and the dogs will bite their tail and immobilise them so that you can pick them up quite safely and put them in the sack." "But what do I need the gun for?" asked the assisant. "If I should fall out of the tree by mistake, shoot the dog."

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Dick and Bob were on a hunting trip. At nightfall, Dick complained, 'We've been hunting all day. We've shot at five deer - and not hit one!' 'OK. Let's miss two more and then head back to camp,' said Bob.

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This is the difference between a lousy Golfer and a lousy Parachutist. The lousy Golfer goes splash then damn. The lousy Parachutist goes damn then splash.

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There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"

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Teacher : What are you doing, crawling into school ten minutes late ? Pupil : Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late !

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