Food jokes

What is small, furry and smells like bacon?
A
hamster.

 

Have you seen www.hook.com? Yes, it's already caught my eye.

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Have you seen www.lockeddoor.com? Yes, but I found it very difficult to get into.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Alberta ! Alberta who ! Alberta'll be over in a minute !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Andy ! Andy who ? Andy little gadgets to have, door knockers !

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Igor: Only this morning Dr Frankenstein completed another amazing operation. He crossed an ostrich with a centipede. Dracula: And what did he get? Igor: We don't know - we haven't managed to catch it yet.

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What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster? Sir.

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What did the mama pig say to her bad little piglet? "Behave or Frankenswine will get you."

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My mother-in-law has got so many double chins it looks like she is peering over a pile of pancakes.

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Knock Knock Who's there ? Chaz ! Chaz who ? Chaz nasty as you wanna be !

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O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent. "Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest. "I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?" O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

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Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have? Jackie: Nine. Teacher: That's not right, you'd have eight. Jackie: No, Teacher, I'd have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!

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Two aliens from outer space landed in Las Vegas and were wandering around the casinos. One of them volunteered to go inside and see what was happening. He came out looking rather shocked. "What's the matter?" asked his friend. "It's a very popular place," replied the first alien. "It's full of creatures that keep throwing up little metal discs."

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Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her"

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Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming? He was a card shark!

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Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice? He was a sherbet!

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Blanche ! Blanche who ? Blanche not !

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Today is my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Really? Yes, I've been married twenty-five times!

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Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !

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Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, "What about the powerful interest that controls you?" And the other guy screamed back, "You leave my wife out of this!"

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What's long, green and goes hith ? A snake with a lisp !

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