Dirty jokes

Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a
condom?

A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

 

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."

Read more!

Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons ? Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train !

Read more!

Q: How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Change it to what?

Read more!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Aladdin ! Aladdin who ? Aladdin the street wants a word with you !

Read more!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Arnie ! Arnie who ! Arnie having fun ?

Read more!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Butcher ! Butcher who ? Butcher your arms around me !

Read more!

A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge. He ran back to the White House and demanded the position. "Sorry," said the President, "but the lawyer who saw that judge fall in beat you here by a good five minutes."

Read more!

How do hens encourage their football teams? They egg them on!

Read more!

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. "Now what should I do?" His mother has an idea. "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. " I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." " What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. " We hadn't started eating yet."

Read more!

Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

Read more!

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Read more!

Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea ? Jack the kipper !

Read more!

What ghost is handy in the kitchen? A recipe spook.

Read more!

What is the Ape monster's name? Godzilla Gorilla!

Read more!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Bach ! Bach who ? Bach to work!

Read more!

The food in our school canteen is perfect. If your a bug!

Read more!

Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs!

Read more!

I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in?

Read more!

What is taller when it sits down than when it stands up? A dog.

Read more!

Why do elephants live in the jungle? Because it's out of the high rent district.

Read more!