Business jokes

On the first day his son joined the family

firm, the founder took him on to the roof of the factory building and

said,

'I am going to give you your very first lesson in
business. Stand on
the edge of the roof.'

Reluctantly, the
boy went to stand on the edge of the roof.

'Now,' said his
father, 'when I say, "Jump," I want you to jump
off the roof.'


'But, Dad,' said the boy, 'there's a huge drop!'

'Do
you want to succeed in business?'

'Yes, Dad.'

'And
you trust me, don't you?'

'Yes, Dad.'

'So do as I
say and jump.'

The boy jumped. He crashed to the ground and lay
there, winded and
bruised. His father went racing down the stairs
and ran up to him.

That was your first lesson in business, son.


Never trust anyone.'

 

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."

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That tornado damage your cow barn any? Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet!

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It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."

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Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons ? Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train !

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Q: How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Change it to what?

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Aladdin ! Aladdin who ? Aladdin the street wants a word with you !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Arnie ! Arnie who ! Arnie having fun ?

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Butcher ! Butcher who ? Butcher your arms around me !

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A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge. He ran back to the White House and demanded the position. "Sorry," said the President, "but the lawyer who saw that judge fall in beat you here by a good five minutes."

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How do hens encourage their football teams? They egg them on!

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A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. "Now what should I do?" His mother has an idea. "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. " I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." " What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. " We hadn't started eating yet."

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Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

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Q: How many Hillary Clintons does it take to change a light bulb? A: One--she just holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

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Why are you laughing? My dentist just pulled one of my teeth out. I don't see much to laugh about in that. But it was the wrong one!

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Dentist: Don't worry. I'm painless. Patient: I'm not.

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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

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Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea ? Jack the kipper !

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What ghost is handy in the kitchen? A recipe spook.

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What is the Ape monster's name? Godzilla Gorilla!

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bach ! Bach who ? Bach to work!

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