Barbie doll jokes

There
is a new Barbie doll on the
market - Tonya Harding Barbie ...you
didn't think we'd sell one
without the other, did you?

 

Robot: I have to dry my feet carefully after a bath. Monster: Why? Robot: Otherwise I get rusty nails.

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Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? It said "concentrate" on it!

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A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."

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That tornado damage your cow barn any? Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet!

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It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."

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Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons ? Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train !

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Q: How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Change it to what?

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Aladdin ! Aladdin who ? Aladdin the street wants a word with you !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Arnie ! Arnie who ! Arnie having fun ?

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Butcher ! Butcher who ? Butcher your arms around me !

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A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge. He ran back to the White House and demanded the position. "Sorry," said the President, "but the lawyer who saw that judge fall in beat you here by a good five minutes."

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How do hens encourage their football teams? They egg them on!

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A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. "Now what should I do?" His mother has an idea. "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. " I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." " What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. " We hadn't started eating yet."

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Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

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When Mr Maxwell's wife left him, he couldn't sleep. Why was that? She had taken the bed.

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A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel has died of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an ash tray from an old car. He opens it and out pops a genie.... But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid sport coat. There's a dog-eared little book in the breast pocket with a blue cover. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes." "I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust a used car salesman!" "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway! " The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink." ***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. "OK, kid, what's your second wish." "My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams." ***POOF*** The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. "OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!" After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says: "I wish that no matter where I go a beautiful woman will want and need me." ***POOF*** He's turned into a tampon. The moral of the story? If a used car salesman offers you anything at no cost, there's going to be a string attached s omewhere!

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Q: How many Hillary Clintons does it take to change a light bulb? A: One--she just holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

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Why are you laughing? My dentist just pulled one of my teeth out. I don't see much to laugh about in that. But it was the wrong one!

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Dentist: Don't worry. I'm painless. Patient: I'm not.

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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

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